Happy Halloween You Sexy Little Mermaid

It’s almost Halloween, ladies, what are you dressing up as this year? A sexy firefighter? A slutty schoolgirl? Or maybe a kitty cat (which is, as we all know, a leotard with ears and a tail—meow!) Judging by the commercial options available, once we take off our Disney Princess outfits we all like to slip into something naughty on October thirty first. Offensive as this idea is, no scanty costume is as disturbing as that of an otherwise wholesome childhood character gone rogue. Let’s start with Naughty Nemo.

Yes, Nemo the clownfish from the Disney movie. Quoting the website’s description of this costume, “Enjoy ocean life as a sassy fish in this Naughty Nemo Costume! ... Have them saying Nem-OH! in this sassy fish costume!” So much is wrong here! First, why didn’t the copywriter do a “search and replace” to avoid repeating the phrase “sassy fish” in such a short description? And second, who is this costume for? Is a die-hard fan of the movie in the same demographic as someone who wants to walk the sidewalks Halloween night as a scantily clad fish? And whose idea was this costume and is he on a registry somewhere?

It’s hard to pick the worst example of this misuse of children’s characters but slutty Cookie Monster is way at the top of that list. The costume’s description was mercifully limited to fabric content but did feature the headline, “Cookies! Umm Numm Numm!” And probably the best clue as to the costume’s complete inappropriateness is the “suggested products” list which was a collection of clear plastic stripper shoes and thigh high boots. Whether Mommy is to dress as (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) Cookie Monster while Trick or Treating with her little Bert and Ernie or whether Mommy’s costume is just for alone time with Daddy so they can play “One of These Things is Not Like the Other” is unknown. But as my Grandpa used to say, “That’s just not right.”

So, ladies, this brings me back to my original question. What will you be for Halloween this year? Smart. Let’s all just be really smart.